Monday, November 19, 2012

Relationship Woes

Hello readers! How are you? Hope you are doing fine over there. Anyway, this time around, I am updating my blog on a topic that every teenager is facing - relationship problems. Without further crapping, let's allow the words to tell us the story. 

In a relationship. This phrase brings many meanings – relationship between friends, family, colleagues, lovers etc. Among the many mentioned above, there is one particular branch of relationship that I want to focus on, that is relationship between lovers, or in other words, courtship.

Courtship is the tie that two lovers hold and bond over time. Courtship usually leads to marriage, which in this instance is a happy one. Not all courtships are like fairytales. Some are loaded with tearful ends and my courtship with one particular guy is of the latter.

Enrolling myself in a tertiary education situated in the East Coast, I first have the problem of adapting to my surroundings. Being withheld with numerous rules and regulations that I deemed were nuisance led me to loathe the place more. Having overcome this obstacle, I began to actively involve myself in sports and athletics. It was during one of those athletics training and meet that I met this guy, whom, in a month’s time, became my boyfriend. I will name him Y. Y is my senior and he too is active in sports. We are of different races and I thought we were perfect for each other until I got to know the real him.

Our deal in becoming a couple was this – he was in a situation whereby he just broke off with his ex. This I didn’t know until two months after we began seeing each other and it wasn’t told by him, but by seniors whom I am close with. Friends, to me, are important when you are stranded in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by people your age. To get along, one must need friends. So, it is just natural of me to be friendly to people and try my best to help them when they face difficulties. Going back to my story, I brought this natural instinct of mine in mingling around with the other athletes. We joked, trained and practically did everything together. We did what a team should do. The bond between me and him became stronger but diluted after the athletics competition. I started to forget about him and carried on my life in a new semester. Soon enough, his texts kept coming in, at first once in a while and then more and more frequent. Taking it as a normal thing a student does, I just replied his texts and then one day, he popped the question to me: Do you want to be my girlfriend? I want you to be my girlfriend. I hesitated awhile and got my roommate’s opinion. She said that if you feel like you want to have a go, then carry on. If not, don’t. I further told her that this relationship deal was just temporary in that me and him both had came to an agreement that once a girlfriend has been found for him, I will be free. My roommate then told me to go ahead since this is not a serious one. I pitied this guy so saying ‘No’ was difficult for me. I agreed and we were officially declared a couple. That was on July 2012.

Frankly speaking, I didn’t have feelings for him. I thought this would carry on until we reached our agreement. Alas, I was a fool. My feelings for him soon developed. However, unlike my ex, Y was very demanding and I can’t stand his character. He was over-protective, very emotional and nothing like the guy I ever dreamt of. I am the type of girl who wants her freedom untouched by people around her. To me, only my parents have the right to do so. I do not like to be controlled and to be told what to do and not to do. I have told Y about these and he said he understood. Understood my foot. Whenever I go out with friends, I got to inform him. There were a few incidences where I forgot to inform him. I was in a rush. When I finally told him, he was cold towards me and scolded me for not informing him. I was okay with it at first, thinking that maybe Y was worried about me. But soon, I can’t bear with it any longer. I felt like I have to get his permission for every single thing I do. My freedom is locked. I was turning into a robot and I don’t like it. Not enough with that, he is a very emotional guy. He tends to sulk a lot and he can get angry at me but not me getting all fumed up at him. For every emotional downturn faced, I have to be the one to apologise for mistakes that I didn’t even commit. He just sulks at every little tiny issue that we face. It was beginning to get very very irritating. But I kept in all of this because I felt maybe it was my fault too and that maybe my hot-tempered head is adding oil and fumes to this problem. The thing is, I can no longer keep in all this. I felt like telling him to grow up and be a man. I want to break this relationship off but then my fragile heart can’t convince me to do it.

Putting that aside and after having sleepless nights, I managed to overcome my somberness and I kept on telling myself to understand him. As I have mentioned earlier, we are of different race. So maybe, the keypoint to having a harmonious relationship is by understanding his actions based on his religion pathway. And I practically did that. Soon, our relationship was out of the cracks. But that was not for long. When my grandfather passed away shortly a week after we began our courtship, I was in an emotional turmoil. Things went upside down. Seeing my mother being sad hurts me a lot since I can’t help her much. To make that worse, there were many arrangements and issues to be settled for my grandfather’s funeral. I was busy. I had already told Y beforehand that I would be busy and that I would not have the time to text him. He said he understood and I took this in blindly. Having done everything I needed to do after the funeral, I head back to campus – physically and mentally tired. Once again, I forgot to inform him that I am back in campus. He called and I got an earshot from him. That night, I cried myself to sleep thinking how terrible and unthoughtful he could be.  

In another incident, it was during the study week that we quarreled. I preferred studying in the library and I did that every day during that week. And during the daily visits to the library, I met and chatted with this friend named X. I told Y that I met X and he became jealous of it and sulked. Come on, I didn’t fall in love with X. X is just another boy friend I know. Is that a crime to be friendly to my friends? Why must Y be so envious of me being friendly with my other guy friends? Duh. This is pissing me off.

We had quarreled many times after that. To date, we had clashed for six times and in all that six times, I was the one who did the apologizing. I have had enough of that and I think it is time for me to blurt it all out and let him know that I can’t be the girl he wants me to be. Plus, he kept on talking to me about our future, meaning marriage. To me, this heavy topic is still new and should be kept in the box. I have not even reach the young adult age, so please don’t come talking to me about marriage. There was one time where I couldn’t hold it any longer when he asked me about marriage. I told him nicely that I don’t want to talk about it and I don’t know anything about it. He got pissed off and sulked. He even threw tantrum when I told him I am not the type of girl who crave for romantic guys. Urgh. Is this the guy you want as your soulmate? Never for me!

Due to all these pent up feelings and his baby-like character, I am thinking of putting an end to all this. We are in the 4th month of our courtship and I think this is it. My feelings for him have turned into one full of bitterness and blandness. What used to be sweet is now sour to me. I live better alone. My carefree days are what I long for. I am gaining the courage to tell him that I want out with him. I hope I can do it because deep inside me, I am a timid person. I don’t want to toy around with his feelings anymore because I know how painful that will be. Maybe I need to get help and advice from his ex. Sometimes, I think that Y is like this because of his ex. Should I think like this? I am lost and I really hope for an answer. 


* To me, Y is the most difficult boyfriend I have ever had. I just can't bear his unstable emotions. This make me miss my ex more and more. Sigh. *

Saturday, June 16, 2012

KARNIVAL GERAK KERJA KOKURIKULUM (KAGUM) 2012 [ 10-15 JUN 2012, PERLIS]

Hello readers! It has been 2 months since I last updated my blog and I feel bad about it.hehe..Anyway, recently, I joined KAGUM which was held in IPG Perlis..This event comprises of many components like sports, monodrama, singing and so forth..I took part in the sports event..hehe..I ran in 4X400m and 800m..Although it was a very tiring week, I really did enjoyed myself..I made many new friends, beautiful and handsome..hehe..but it is a sad case as I didn't manage to get all of their facebook profile links! Aigooo~
I don't feel any regret sacrificing my holidays for training and all..It was a worthwhile sacrifice..The experience I gained is so valuable..hehe..and I also became closer to my seniors who also joined this event. The sad thing about this event is my performance..I was hoping to join the finals in 800m but I didn't make it..My ankle was giving me problems..I injured it the day before during the 4X400m event..and I just prayed that my ankle will help me last until the final lap of the race..I am really sorry for letting down the hopes of my lecturers..Our athletics team didn't win any medals though..hmm..but it is understandable though..We were competing against other athletes who are SUKMA reps..so, it is kinda hard to win them..Anyway, I guess I shouldn't talk so much here..let's let the pictures speak for themselves..  :)


First day~ this is the marching team  :)

Me and Napi..1st day too..

While waiting for the bus to fetch us to Stadium Utama Negeri Kangar, Perlis..1st day  again~

Some of the athletes after the 1st half of the events~

Another picture of the marching team..hehe

Another one..with my IPG flag

My number for individual event..800m

My number for the relay event..4X400m..I am the 3rd runner

The tag given to all of us..just used it on the 1st day..hehe..

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Bina Insan Guru - 3/4/2012 - 6/4/2012

Hello readers!How are u guys?I m feeling extra tired after BIG or Bina Insan Guru..4 days and 3 nights of camping really worn me out...lack of sleep and smelly tent mates really tested my patience. In all, I can't feel the excitement of BIG. To me, it is just another ordinary activity and I admit, I am not the kind of person that is up to this kind of activity. It will be alright if I get to have enough sleep...I felt glad on the last day to be able to go back to IPG..IPG to me, is heaven! I don't miss the times I had in BIG. Anyway, I felt discontented with my LDK(Latihan Dlm Kumpulan) mates,especially the PAI(Pengajian Agama Islam) girls. FYI, my BIG is a combination of TESL 3(my class) and PAI 2..The PAI girls in my LDK group refused to cooperate during discussions..they are shy in doing everything!come on!!!you girls are seriously "Malu tak bertempat", meaning you girls are shy unnecessarily. By being shy, you girls are taking up more time and wasting more time too...For instance, they are shy to run during the morning exercise!Luckily, there wasn't any punishment for groups or persons that were late. Also, they were shy in jumping!By doing this, we had to repeat the jump for many times until the coach was satisfied!Argh!!!I really feel like squeezing their bones out!Besides being shy, they are lazy to  bathe too..just because the water is cold, they chose not to bathe and stink the tent!I can't have even a proper sleep for 3 nights! They just simply dump their dirty clothes everywhere in the tent!They even dumped it on my towel!!gosh!!I really feel like slapping them!They don't feel yucky even though they didn't bathe!arghh!!!In all, I don't like BIG at all and it is partly because of those PAI 2 girls!

Monday, March 19, 2012

Addicted or Addiction?

Hello readers!!It has been a long time since I last updated my blog. Recently, I am addicted to 2 things::Shoes and Music..I am currently looking for wedge heels..but I have yet to find one that is of my taste...=(...and for those who don't know what wedge heels is, I guess this picture below will clear your doubts. :)


Secondly, I am addicted to the songs by One Direction, a new boyband from UK...hehe...I like their simple dressing..=)



hehe...look at their dressing and hairstyle..elegance in simplicity...

And for now, their hit songs that are on my list are One Thing, Na Na Na, Up All Night,I Wish, What Makes You Beautiful...I have yet to get the rest...=/



What Makes You Beautiful MV

One Thing MV

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Struggling....

Hello readers! How are you people? Hope all of you are healthy!!I am just fine over here~=)
Anyway, I faced many emotional conflicts lately. First of all, it is regarding Ms X. I don't know what to do anymore...Ms X is always lashing out at me and Leena..It is kinda harsh on us to be victims..Actually, for the past 2 weeks, Ms X suddenly started to avoid me and Leena..it as just so sudden...She has this weird attitude that she throws in front of me and Leena BUT Ms X is always nice to others..It really hurts us to see her having  treatment segregation among her friends. Me and Leena always wonder what we had done wrong to the extent that we had hurt Ms X's feelings..As far as we can remember and recall, there has NEVER been any such instances. So, what could the root cause be? To tell the truth, me and Leena are SICK of having to always accomodate to Ms X's attitude..If she hates us so much, why don't just tell us?Let us know what we had done to hurt you..It will be better that way..Is it a fun thing to watch your friends struggle and suffer like this? We have feelings too, you know..We are not puppets that you can use to toy around. If you were to say that we left you out of the group, you are so totally wrong. In whatever we do, we will ALWAYS ask you to join us but you were the one who always REJECTS the offer..We always wait for you after assembly and after class but you always walk off without us..What is your problem??Seriously, we want to know!!You and us have been talking lesser and lesser...Why do you always enjoy doing this? I don't intend to be such a jackass, but , sometimes I wish that you will one day undergo what me and Leena is undergoing..then, maybe that way, you WILL learn to understand the consequences of your actions..you will finally know what it feels like to be treated in such a way..Sometimes, in order to be kind, we have to be harsh..and if your attitude continues like this, I have nothing more to say..me and Leena are always trying our best to approach you but not you...when others say that me and Leena should give you space, we felt that we have given you too much space..If we don't talk to you, you won't talk to us..This makes the situation worse...So, please tell us what is wrong...who knows, we might be of great help...Please, we BEG you...=(



With all the sadness poured out, I just wanna "show off" to you guys the second name keychain I made for my siblings and I...it ain't really beautiful, but still, I want to show it off~~


the name keychains...=)


Friday, February 17, 2012

Talking Less

Good afternoon readers. I just came back from church and here I am, blogging. I need to pour out this feeling in me..Today, for the first Friday, me and him talked very very less..It is uncommon of us to not talk frequently in church.. and because of this, I feel kinda sad...feel incomplete...because I am too used to talking so much to him on every Fridays...Am I acting wisely?haish...if only someone would sincerely help me here...

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Terrific Thursday!! :DD

Aloha readers!!I am feeling extremely happy today!!I got gifts today!!Muggie gifts!!!One is from my uncle aka Pachi aka Efan Fazril and another from Chai aka Faizul from TESL 4...hehehe....was surprised to receive from them tough!!!Anyhow, I forgot to order one for "him"..his birthday is coming but it didn't cross my mind to buy one for him....what to do...it is already over~
Besides that, I also went for a health screening...Expected blood test and pressure check but I didn't get any...Not eligible...Too young for it!It's ok!!My BMI is 18.3 which means I am underweight!!fine!!!I thought I was fat...so, this means I can indulge??hehe...And now, I retract my words of  "I am so fat" from my dictionary!!!
This is the link to calculate your BMI: http://malaysia.kurnia.com/Lifestyle/HealthBMICalculator/Default.aspx

These are the mugs...or muggie


This is from Pachi...the words are long so I took a few snapshots...


And this is the continuation of the message written on the mug from Pachi



And this is from Chai

Thanks buddies!!!<3<3 ya...saranghae!!