Relationship Woes

Hello readers! How are you? Hope you are doing fine over there. Anyway, this time around, I am updating my blog on a topic that every teenager is facing - relationship problems. Without further crapping, let's allow the words to tell us the story. 

In a relationship. This phrase brings many meanings – relationship between friends, family, colleagues, lovers etc. Among the many mentioned above, there is one particular branch of relationship that I want to focus on, that is relationship between lovers, or in other words, courtship.

Courtship is the tie that two lovers hold and bond over time. Courtship usually leads to marriage, which in this instance is a happy one. Not all courtships are like fairytales. Some are loaded with tearful ends and my courtship with one particular guy is of the latter.

Enrolling myself in a tertiary education situated in the East Coast, I first have the problem of adapting to my surroundings. Being withheld with numerous rules and regulations that I deemed were nuisance led me to loathe the place more. Having overcome this obstacle, I began to actively involve myself in sports and athletics. It was during one of those athletics training and meet that I met this guy, whom, in a month’s time, became my boyfriend. I will name him Y. Y is my senior and he too is active in sports. We are of different races and I thought we were perfect for each other until I got to know the real him.

Our deal in becoming a couple was this – he was in a situation whereby he just broke off with his ex. This I didn’t know until two months after we began seeing each other and it wasn’t told by him, but by seniors whom I am close with. Friends, to me, are important when you are stranded in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by people your age. To get along, one must need friends. So, it is just natural of me to be friendly to people and try my best to help them when they face difficulties. Going back to my story, I brought this natural instinct of mine in mingling around with the other athletes. We joked, trained and practically did everything together. We did what a team should do. The bond between me and him became stronger but diluted after the athletics competition. I started to forget about him and carried on my life in a new semester. Soon enough, his texts kept coming in, at first once in a while and then more and more frequent. Taking it as a normal thing a student does, I just replied his texts and then one day, he popped the question to me: Do you want to be my girlfriend? I want you to be my girlfriend. I hesitated awhile and got my roommate’s opinion. She said that if you feel like you want to have a go, then carry on. If not, don’t. I further told her that this relationship deal was just temporary in that me and him both had came to an agreement that once a girlfriend has been found for him, I will be free. My roommate then told me to go ahead since this is not a serious one. I pitied this guy so saying ‘No’ was difficult for me. I agreed and we were officially declared a couple. That was on July 2012.

Frankly speaking, I didn’t have feelings for him. I thought this would carry on until we reached our agreement. Alas, I was a fool. My feelings for him soon developed. However, unlike my ex, Y was very demanding and I can’t stand his character. He was over-protective, very emotional and nothing like the guy I ever dreamt of. I am the type of girl who wants her freedom untouched by people around her. To me, only my parents have the right to do so. I do not like to be controlled and to be told what to do and not to do. I have told Y about these and he said he understood. Understood my foot. Whenever I go out with friends, I got to inform him. There were a few incidences where I forgot to inform him. I was in a rush. When I finally told him, he was cold towards me and scolded me for not informing him. I was okay with it at first, thinking that maybe Y was worried about me. But soon, I can’t bear with it any longer. I felt like I have to get his permission for every single thing I do. My freedom is locked. I was turning into a robot and I don’t like it. Not enough with that, he is a very emotional guy. He tends to sulk a lot and he can get angry at me but not me getting all fumed up at him. For every emotional downturn faced, I have to be the one to apologise for mistakes that I didn’t even commit. He just sulks at every little tiny issue that we face. It was beginning to get very very irritating. But I kept in all of this because I felt maybe it was my fault too and that maybe my hot-tempered head is adding oil and fumes to this problem. The thing is, I can no longer keep in all this. I felt like telling him to grow up and be a man. I want to break this relationship off but then my fragile heart can’t convince me to do it.

Putting that aside and after having sleepless nights, I managed to overcome my somberness and I kept on telling myself to understand him. As I have mentioned earlier, we are of different race. So maybe, the keypoint to having a harmonious relationship is by understanding his actions based on his religion pathway. And I practically did that. Soon, our relationship was out of the cracks. But that was not for long. When my grandfather passed away shortly a week after we began our courtship, I was in an emotional turmoil. Things went upside down. Seeing my mother being sad hurts me a lot since I can’t help her much. To make that worse, there were many arrangements and issues to be settled for my grandfather’s funeral. I was busy. I had already told Y beforehand that I would be busy and that I would not have the time to text him. He said he understood and I took this in blindly. Having done everything I needed to do after the funeral, I head back to campus – physically and mentally tired. Once again, I forgot to inform him that I am back in campus. He called and I got an earshot from him. That night, I cried myself to sleep thinking how terrible and unthoughtful he could be.  

In another incident, it was during the study week that we quarreled. I preferred studying in the library and I did that every day during that week. And during the daily visits to the library, I met and chatted with this friend named X. I told Y that I met X and he became jealous of it and sulked. Come on, I didn’t fall in love with X. X is just another boy friend I know. Is that a crime to be friendly to my friends? Why must Y be so envious of me being friendly with my other guy friends? Duh. This is pissing me off.

We had quarreled many times after that. To date, we had clashed for six times and in all that six times, I was the one who did the apologizing. I have had enough of that and I think it is time for me to blurt it all out and let him know that I can’t be the girl he wants me to be. Plus, he kept on talking to me about our future, meaning marriage. To me, this heavy topic is still new and should be kept in the box. I have not even reach the young adult age, so please don’t come talking to me about marriage. There was one time where I couldn’t hold it any longer when he asked me about marriage. I told him nicely that I don’t want to talk about it and I don’t know anything about it. He got pissed off and sulked. He even threw tantrum when I told him I am not the type of girl who crave for romantic guys. Urgh. Is this the guy you want as your soulmate? Never for me!

Due to all these pent up feelings and his baby-like character, I am thinking of putting an end to all this. We are in the 4^th month of our courtship and I think this is it. My feelings for him have turned into one full of bitterness and blandness. What used to be sweet is now sour to me. I live better alone. My carefree days are what I long for. I am gaining the courage to tell him that I want out with him. I hope I can do it because deep inside me, I am a timid person. I don’t want to toy around with his feelings anymore because I know how painful that will be. Maybe I need to get help and advice from his ex. Sometimes, I think that Y is like this because of his ex. Should I think like this? I am lost and I really hope for an answer. 

* To me, Y is the most difficult boyfriend I have ever had. I just can't bear his unstable emotions. This make me miss my ex more and more. Sigh. *