Hello readers! How are you? Hope you are doing fine over there. Anyway, this time around, I am updating my blog on a topic that every teenager is facing - relationship problems. Without further crapping, let's allow the words to tell us the story.
In a
relationship. This phrase brings many meanings – relationship between friends,
family, colleagues, lovers etc. Among the many mentioned above, there is one
particular branch of relationship that I want to focus on, that is relationship
between lovers, or in other words, courtship.
Courtship
is the tie that two lovers hold and bond over time. Courtship usually leads to
marriage, which in this instance is a happy one. Not all courtships are like
fairytales. Some are loaded with tearful ends and my courtship with one particular
guy is of the latter.
Enrolling
myself in a tertiary education situated in the East Coast, I first have the
problem of adapting to my surroundings. Being withheld with numerous rules and
regulations that I deemed were nuisance led me to loathe the place more. Having
overcome this obstacle, I began to actively involve myself in sports and
athletics. It was during one of those athletics training and meet that I met
this guy, whom, in a month’s time, became my boyfriend. I will name him Y. Y is
my senior and he too is active in sports. We are of different races and I thought
we were perfect for each other until I got to know the real him.
Our deal in
becoming a couple was this – he was in a situation whereby he just broke off
with his ex. This I didn’t know until two months after we began seeing each
other and it wasn’t told by him, but by seniors whom I am close with. Friends,
to me, are important when you are stranded in an unfamiliar place, surrounded
by people your age. To get along, one must need friends. So, it is just natural
of me to be friendly to people and try my best to help them when they face
difficulties. Going back to my story, I brought this natural instinct of mine
in mingling around with the other athletes. We joked, trained and practically
did everything together. We did what a team should do. The bond between me and
him became stronger but diluted after the athletics competition. I started to
forget about him and carried on my life in a new semester. Soon enough, his
texts kept coming in, at first once in a while and then more and more frequent.
Taking it as a normal thing a student does, I just replied his texts and then
one day, he popped the question to me: Do you want to be my girlfriend? I want
you to be my girlfriend. I hesitated awhile and got my roommate’s opinion. She said
that if you feel like you want to have a go, then carry on. If not, don’t. I further
told her that this relationship deal was just temporary in that me and him both
had came to an agreement that once a girlfriend has been found for him, I will
be free. My roommate then told me to go ahead since this is not a serious one. I
pitied this guy so saying ‘No’ was difficult for me. I agreed and we were
officially declared a couple. That was on July 2012.
Frankly speaking,
I didn’t have feelings for him. I thought this would carry on until we reached
our agreement. Alas, I was a fool. My feelings for him soon developed. However,
unlike my ex, Y was very demanding and I can’t stand his character. He was
over-protective, very emotional and nothing like the guy I ever dreamt of. I am
the type of girl who wants her freedom untouched by people around her. To me,
only my parents have the right to do so. I do not like to be controlled and to
be told what to do and not to do. I have told Y about these and he said he
understood. Understood my foot. Whenever I go out with friends, I got to inform
him. There were a few incidences where I forgot to inform him. I was in a rush.
When I finally told him, he was cold towards me and scolded me for not
informing him. I was okay with it at first, thinking that maybe Y was worried
about me. But soon, I can’t bear with it any longer. I felt like I have to get
his permission for every single thing I do. My freedom is locked. I was turning
into a robot and I don’t like it. Not enough with that, he is a very emotional
guy. He tends to sulk a lot and he can get angry at me but not me getting all
fumed up at him. For every emotional downturn faced, I have to be the one to
apologise for mistakes that I didn’t even commit. He just sulks at every little
tiny issue that we face. It was beginning to get very very irritating. But I kept
in all of this because I felt maybe it was my fault too and that maybe my
hot-tempered head is adding oil and fumes to this problem. The thing is, I can
no longer keep in all this. I felt like telling him to grow up and be a man. I want
to break this relationship off but then my fragile heart can’t convince me to
do it.
Putting that
aside and after having sleepless nights, I managed to overcome my somberness
and I kept on telling myself to understand him. As I have mentioned earlier, we
are of different race. So maybe, the keypoint to having a harmonious
relationship is by understanding his actions based on his religion pathway. And
I practically did that. Soon, our relationship was out of the cracks. But that
was not for long. When my grandfather passed away shortly a week after we began
our courtship, I was in an emotional turmoil. Things went upside down. Seeing my
mother being sad hurts me a lot since I can’t help her much. To make that
worse, there were many arrangements and issues to be settled for my grandfather’s
funeral. I was busy. I had already told Y beforehand that I would be busy and
that I would not have the time to text him. He said he understood and I took this
in blindly. Having done everything I needed to do after the funeral, I head
back to campus – physically and mentally tired. Once again, I forgot to inform
him that I am back in campus. He called and I got an earshot from him. That
night, I cried myself to sleep thinking how terrible and unthoughtful he could
be.
In another
incident, it was during the study week that we quarreled. I preferred studying
in the library and I did that every day during that week. And during the daily
visits to the library, I met and chatted with this friend named X. I told Y
that I met X and he became jealous of it and sulked. Come on, I didn’t fall in
love with X. X is just another boy friend I know. Is that a crime to be
friendly to my friends? Why must Y be so envious of me being friendly with my
other guy friends? Duh. This is pissing me off.
We had
quarreled many times after that. To date, we had clashed for six times and in
all that six times, I was the one who did the apologizing. I have had enough of
that and I think it is time for me to blurt it all out and let him know that I can’t
be the girl he wants me to be. Plus, he kept on talking to me about our future,
meaning marriage. To me, this heavy topic is still new and should be kept in
the box. I have not even reach the young adult age, so please don’t come
talking to me about marriage. There was one time where I couldn’t hold it any
longer when he asked me about marriage. I told him nicely that I don’t want to
talk about it and I don’t know anything about it. He got pissed off and sulked.
He even threw tantrum when I told him I am not the type of girl who crave for
romantic guys. Urgh. Is this the guy you want as your soulmate? Never for me!
Due to all
these pent up feelings and his baby-like character, I am thinking of putting an
end to all this. We are in the 4th month of our courtship and I think
this is it. My feelings for him have turned into one full of bitterness and
blandness. What used to be sweet is now sour to me. I live better alone. My carefree
days are what I long for. I am gaining the courage to tell him that I want out
with him. I hope I can do it because deep inside me, I am a timid person. I don’t
want to toy around with his feelings anymore because I know how painful that
will be. Maybe I need to get help and advice from his ex. Sometimes, I think
that Y is like this because of his ex. Should I think like this? I am lost and
I really hope for an answer.
* To me, Y is the most difficult boyfriend I have ever had. I just can't bear his unstable emotions. This make me miss my ex more and more. Sigh. *
